| coming clean |
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| 10:23am 20/11/2003 |
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mood:  accomplished music: *le sigh*
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wow. look at all of this drama. ok, finally i am going to come clean to ryan, stephen, and lea each person sepaarately about everything. i want everything straight. this may hurt some of you, this may not hurt you at all. but it will probably make me more at peace with myself. i want to let you know how i really feel.
to ryan : to clear some things up... yes i tried to keep you from your friends around the time we were first together. i'm not going to deny this. i was young and i was jealous because i didn't know how to balance my friends and you all at once. i was jealous because every friend i had i gave up for you. i guess i wanted the same back. i was so used to being the center of your universe that once i wasn't anymore, it hurt. sometimes you'd leave me at home by myself and go out with your friends, i would have done the same but i didn't have anyone but you. i was clingy and needy. i understand i was wrong later when i had learned the error of my ways, and i didn't do this anymore.
for a while i had been searching for someone to take me away from you. i grew tired of breaking up and making up. yes, i kissed other people, yes it was wrong to do to you, and i'm sorry. i figured if i just found that one person to get me out of our endless cycle- someone to take me away- it would be less painful to have to get away from you myself. dont get me wrong, i tried to get away on my own, i guess it was either too hard or i just wasn't strong enough.
finally i found that person, yes i kissed him while we were together. that just kind of happened... i didn't just leave you for him. i left you for me, too. and i'm sorry i hurt you so badly about it.
if i ever thought you friends were assholes, its because they probably were. i dont ever remember thinking that about james, brian, stephen, tj or lauren. but people such as brad, kyle, and daniel? they were assholes. they constantly said rude things to me right in front of you, and you didn't even stick up for me most of the time.
also, i know i've gotten an apology from you. but you really need to stop posting my personal life in comments or entries. think about how all those things lots of people never knew about until you said something. its nothing to get back at me with. whether or not it's common knowledge is no reason to inform the world about it. i dont hate you, ryan. i never have or will. i still love you. and i'm sorry i hurt you as badly as i did.
to stephen : when i met rob, yes i started hanging out with him every day. i started ignoring you, or not speaking. i started changing. and i was wrong for that. i'm trying to get back to where i was and it is so hard. i wish you were still here. i miss you. some of the smartest advice i ever had was from you, and i miss you being there to give it to me. it was wrong for me to drop you and pick those people. if i knew things would have been this way i would have maintained a better balance. as long as we can have back what we had before, i will be very happy. :) i love you stephen, more than you will ever know. you're one of my best friends. and those aren't plentiful.
to lea (scott & austin): ok. well i started hanging around you because i liked rob. i was ok with not doing the whole drug thing, and i thought you were so awesome. you were so nice to me. and i really appreciate how comfortable you made me feel when i first entered your circle of friends. i loved hanging out with you, it was a lot of fun. i enjoyed the good old days when leigh was still around. it was just easier then.
i always wanted a time with rob i could actually spend the whole day with him without you being around. and i've never had one like that. everytime rob and i would have a "date" there would be lea, scott, and austin afterwords or lea, scott, and austin before. sometimes it would be both before and after. and that wasn't cool for me. i just wanted a boyfriend, not a boyfriend (friends included). dont get me wrong i liked spending time with you, but it stressed rob and me out all the time. i would get so upset because we couldn't spend time together. we would never have more than an hour alone before someone was there wanting to do some drugs, or play some music, or get drunk. and it was terrible for me to have to deal with it. then be attacked for being upset because, i really didn't have much of a reason to be upset since "bro's before ho's" was your circle's motto. while rob was gone, scott would sit there and tell me "you know he's not thinking about you right now, i dont even want to hear that you're thinking about him too. you know what he's probably going to do in las vegas. dont be stupid."
it seems like there was a petition against us from the start, and it felt like rob listened to you more than he listened to his heart. that hurt more than anything. and the sexual innuendos scott always made to me, trying to get in my pants. his "best friend's girlfriend's" pants. wow, what a wonderful friend. my self esteem was so low, and i felt like shit about myself. i stopped going over there for a while, and i felt so much better about myself. i felt like i was actually worth something. it sounds bad, but its the truth.
when rob and i broke up, i was clueless. come to find out, it was partly your circles fault. you are the ones who told him to leave me, you are the ones who tried to be there for me when you were the one that slit my throat and caused me so much pain. rob listens to you because you were supposed to be his best friends. if he only knew...
for a month, i felt worthless, unloved, i wanted to crawl in a hole in die. mostly because of you. and then, look at the way you treat rob? you have parties with his parents, at his house, while he's not home and don't even mention it to him, you leave him when he needs you the most, you dont keep in touch hardly at all. of course he's going to think you dont give a shit, why? probably because YOU DONT!
you just want someone to go down the drain with you. i suppose its not enough to just go down with three people. after all who wants a third wheel? and i suppose it isn't enough to get your life straightened out, and get on the right track. the one you will succeed in. but that honestly never was my problem. you wonder why i care so much about your business with rob? because first of all, I'M the one there picking up the pieces when you hurt him, I'M the one that cares for him. and i'm just tired of both of us hurting because of you. it was fun times till life gets serious, now its serious, and you seem not to care as much as he does. which separates the men from the boys, in the long run. |
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| force the blade against my throat :: lick the blood against the edge |
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| 05:28pm 14/11/2003 |
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mood:  anxious music: razed in black - i worship you
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well, anyway, hello my lj minions. how are you all? i'm well i suppose. i had school today, it was a hell of a lot better than yesterday. yesterday was spent very agitated. today was partly agitated, but i made a cute shirt. *smiles* anyway. xanga is being a fucktard which is the primary reason i'm not updating there. i wish i knew if/when there was a razed in black concert. i love them, they're absolutely wonderful.
tonight i have the football game. its supposed to be forty degrees at kickoff. and if you've seen the uniforms we wear, they're halter tops, and thin pants... :( i'm going to freeze my ass off tonight boys and girls. ashley says thats what you get for being eye candy. i'm about ready to quit danceline. i've already been honored on senior night. the only thing i want to do that keeps me there is choreograph the tryout routines. if i cant do that then i quit. plus i hate how cold it is out there. :\
i'm going to get dressed soon. rob and i are having words. i hope we'll be ok. i <3 him.
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| 04:25pm 10/11/2003 |
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mood:  busy music: kmfdm - adios
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wow. no update here for a long time. i hit the kmfdm concert on saturday. it was amazing. i had so much fun. the band was cool. much love to jeff and the whole band... kate as well. i <3 you all. anyway... i had aftershow party passes and wanted to hit the chamber with the band afterward so jules could sign me wherever he liked *blushes*, but i didn't go. it was already 1:30, i was tired as hell.
as for now, i just got out of school. the education system can suck my metephorical penis. i <3 rob. :-) i just got thirty dollars, woohoo... wish i had that at l5p. i could have bought that awesome outfit.
if you're wondering what i'm up to, since i rarely update this thing, you can check out my xanga.
www.xanga.com/laurney
today really pissed me off. it started out ok, then i realized wow, i hate people. and then i just hated today. i hate every day. i dont want to die yet. but i'm heading to the gym in a few with jenna to work out... it will be fun... i suppose. i got cute shoes from junkmans for six dollars. i wanted the stelleto mid calf boots (which, mind you, i'd never wear with a skirt, but these almost had to be worn with a skirt, because they were just that cute. oh well. have a great day.
fucking off. |
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| disclaimer |
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| 09:45pm 26/10/2003 |
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mood: accomplished music: vast - dirty hole
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'tis the last day to post or else you're off my list. :) goodbye everyone who has not commented... to be clear, most of the people on my friends list i dont know. i just want to be able to read the people journals that read mine too, just to be fair to them. i'm tired of having to scroll through pointless entries of people that i dont have any personal relations to. its not because i'm insecure about who my friends are... and if you get that from my post... i'm... sorry? ah well... fucking off...
i'm not mad at the world... just tired of human beings with no ambition... thats normally what my problem is all the time.
comment now or forever hold your laurney! |
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| i think laura and i are the same person. *smiles* |
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| 12:57pm 25/10/2003 |
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mood:  awake
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| What Irrational Number Are You? |
[ Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<tr [...] ;>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] <div align="center"><!-- shinylemur.com What Irrational Number are you? version 1.0beta --><table style="border-style: solid; border-width: 1px; border-color: #006666; border-collapse: collapse;" width="400" cellpadding="4"><tr><td style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font: 110%; font-weight: bold; color: #FFFFFF; background: #066d98; text-align: center;" border="1">What Irrational Number Are You?</td></tr><tr style="color: black ; background: #DDDDDD; font: 10pt;";><td style="color: black ; background: #DDDDDD; font: 10pt;";><div style="text-align: center; font: bold 12pt; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman', 'Times Roman', Times, serif;">You are <em>e</em></div><p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', 'Times Roman', Times, serif;\ color: black; font: 10pt;"><div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', 'Times Roman', Times, serif; color: black; font: 10pt;">Of all the irrational numbers, you are the most intense. By nature you are powerful, although sometimes you can spiral out of control. You are good with money; the interest seems to just compound whenever you are near. When someone uses the word "exponential" they are probably talking about you.<p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', 'Times Roman', Times, serif;\ color: black; font: 10pt;">In some ways you and φ are a nearly perfect match. Not to mention how attractive φ is. But then, there is the remarkable π...<p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', 'Times Roman', Times, serif;\ color: black; font: 10pt;">Your lucky number is approximately 2.71828183</div></td></tr><tr style="color: black ; background: #DDDDDD;"><td style="color: black ; background: #DDDDDD;"><table width="100%"><tr><td align="left"><a href="http://www.shinylemur.com">Shiny Lemur</a></td><td align="center"><form action="http://www.shinylemur.com/modules.php?name=Irrational_Numbers" method="post" style="margin-top: 0; margin-bottom: 0;"><input type="submit" value="Take the Quiz!"></form></td><td align="right"><a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/straif/">Straif's Blog</a></td></tr></table></td></tr></table></div> |
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| ---xmyxomatosisx--- |
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| 06:59am 22/10/2003 |
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mood:  annoyed music: nothing
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if you dont read this, you obviously dont care to stay on my friends list. if you want to remain on it, comment. if not. bai bai. |
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Read 25 - Post |
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| moooo |
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| 06:44am 21/10/2003 |
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mood: anxious music: ladytron - mutron
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Well. I just woke up. I hate waking up. My mom finally gave the "ok" for me to pick rob up at the airport. I was very happy. How about "fuck football"... say it with me now "fuck football"... anyway...
It amazes me how some girls are. It pisses me off when people I dont like comment in my ex-soon to be boifriend's journal, "lets get together when you come back to town".... Riiiiiiiight, Vann..... you keep on dreaming. I wouldn't let you near him. Aw. I hope I dont catch you talking to him either. :-)
I know I'm being jealous and catty, but I refuse to tolerate any people I dont trust.
I also found out some things about Scott's, Meagan Dorsey, and the fact that I'm getting pissed because people I introduced that place to keep coming over there.
I mean, personally, it also pisses me off beyond belief that people had to find out about my xanga, but fuck it. |
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| you dropped a bomb on me |
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| 02:45pm 18/10/2003 |
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mood: awake music: the news
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eeek! a bloomingdales in altanta! *squeaks* can we say excitement? oh oh, last night was the talent show, i didn't win. i didn't expect to. i messed my whole routine up at the 4th count of 8. and i kept moving, doing, SOMETHING... thast my first rule of dancing for performance alone, dont stop moving. even if it's wrong. everyone said it was great and said i was going to win, but... i doubted it... i dropped it at the end.... but i caught everything else. ick. also, the judges seem to like singers better than dancers. *sigh* i cant even remember ONE time a dancer actually won anything. i'll probably go work out today and go to the game tonight. *sigh* i was supposed to go to adoption day but i couldn't do it. oh well. i <3 rob. i had a dream last night that i was going to get him and invited casey to come with me for some reason, we went and got a gift (we were already running late), then she drove down the street to someone elses house to pick up seven people, then we had to take two cars. i took casey's care and drove it back to my house and got in my car and left for hartsfield. i was pissed because it was already 6:30 and his flight was coming in at 6:35. ooh i was so mad at her and everyone else in my dream. oh well... i'm going to hop outside for a bit. it feels so nice out there. bai bai. |
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| i come to you in a black taxi :: and wish you inside |
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| 08:40pm 14/10/2003 |
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mood:  sore music: strawberry switchblade - black taxi
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Lets see. I'm using the browser update form again. I think I'll probably do this if I'm sticking to quality not quantity. I know I've not posted for shit these days. What's going on in my life, eh? Rob is coming home in 10 days. I'm really excited about that. I can't wait to hug him, and squeeze him!
I think I'm getting better about my capitalization and punctuaion and such for some odd reason. Rob's stepped out for a little bit, I've been kind of ignoring him today and I dont mean to. I'm just very sick & sore. He just called. I'm in love with him. If you'd like to see a picture of my preppy potential again-boyfriend & Watson... here they be is! I just added this to my snapfish album.
( Robby Bear & Watson )
I guess I should tell you about my day, I woke up this morning, so awfully tired. I didn't want to get up at all. I just threw my hair up, threw some clothes on and walked out the door. I got to school to find out that I was in Coach Gill's class this morning, instead of Mrs. Yawn's. I went in there and did some dumb worksheet on Logarithms. I had my calling at about 9:15 while reading a newspaper that was given away by Coach Gill. I read an article and an advertisement about a Day Spa and botique opening up in Thomaston. Its called Susannahs. There is one open all week days in Barnseville. I'm SO there for a full body massage, facial, and potential pedicure.
After that I went to art, I was really agitated in there. Then came lunch, Kevin (the gorgeous guy from Penn?) was sitting at my table today. He kind of annoyed me, just because I was in a "I feel annoyed mood". He kept pinching my fat and poking me.. It was SO godawfully annoying. I have this phobia of eating infront of people that I dont know, especially when they're not eating anything either, so I didn't eat lunch because he was there. Anyway... I could barely stay awake in German. I think that is when my aderol quits working. I made a log and a half for our German project that is Due Thursday. I suggested the idea about a school sabbath, but I dont think anyone was listening. Like always. Newspaper came, I worked all period, BY MYSELF on the Ads. I do have to say Bethany Delli-Gati did a wonderful job watching, and Heather helped a little by scratching my back and reading off information to me. I finished them all by myself. *Sigh* Anyway. I printed out my football story, and wham, I was ready to go home.
When I got home, I chilled for most of the day, and fell asleep after a big dinner. Slept till 8 o'clock. When Sara's mom called me about Humane Society stuff... That's just another thing I have to take care of. *Sigh* I still have to post the pictures of the floats for you guys. It was neato. :) But in other news, I believe that this was a very GOOD journal update, and I will go now.
Fucking off!
xoxo
Laurney
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| now i rock steady, but it dont mean nothin'! |
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| 08:55pm 13/10/2003 |
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mood:  sick music: mindless self indulgence - golden eye
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wow. i love him. anyway, i'm really sick. :( i want to feel better. i'm sitting in my bed. i love the mobility of a laptop. :) its nice. my room seriously needs some cleaning. i wish i was even well enough to clean it. i love the new community gothic_babes, its on my friends page. i just dont like how these little girls throw on fishnets and call themselves goth... it really bothers me. ugh. anyway. i cant update much. i <3 rob. here are my levels of hell.
Hipsters
Circle I Limbo The Pope
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind Trixies
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow General asshats
Circle IV Rolling Weights DMV Employees
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled River Styx Parents who bring squalling brats to R-rated movies
Circle VI Buried for Eternity River Phlegyas Democrats
Circle VII Burning Sands Creationists
Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement Rednecks
Circle IX Frozen in Ice Design your own hell |
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| i tried my best to grin and bear :: and took the stairs but didn't stop it at the street |
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| 12:23am 11/10/2003 |
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mood: anxious music: eve 6 - think twice
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home fucking float was awesome in a half. it was so great. i almost had a nervous breakdown at the game. i love rob. homecoming rocked. someone spray painted principal aplin's truck... they've got suspects...woo! anyway. i'd rat on them if i knew who they were. that was COMPLETELY disrespectful. and we were the last class that will ever be allowed to spray paint the field. fuck yeah. *sigh* lack of respect in the youth of america. fuck the youth of america. damnit. anyway. i love you all. i love rob... so much.... :) the heart of perfection.
ben thrasher and i are getting together tomorrow to work on my sports story.
xoxo. my own personal jesus,
laurney
fucking off
and as we speak, i'm going down |
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| where my fat bitches at? |
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| 09:54pm 05/10/2003 |
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mood:  amused music: pizza hut boi - three fat bitches
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wow. festival majorly sucked the band got an over all 2 but danceline (hah) made a 1! that is superior.... but..
hey!! i went shopping today and bought two pants. one are pajamas for tomorrow... and the other are these khakis.. that are so super duper cute! jenna went with me, we had a grand ole time... we met this precious boi that worked at pizza hut, he was about to turn 17 and was an aspiring rapper or something. if you want to read his song, look at the marquee... its so hillarious... if you want to hear the song in person, just ask me. jenna and i will be more than happy to break it down for you. it was so funny! it will never ever leave my head.
we came back and went to scotts, where if i hadn't "dipped out of there" as davy said... i would have done something bad. :(... lol... he was peer pressuring us so badly, i was about to "eat the forbidden fruit that will make us intelligent and all knowing, and god-like." as jenna put it. ah well. we dipped... so our souls are saved...
i'm out.
jessyka, when are you coming to see me? :( i want to meet you and all that dope shit. :)
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| the sunshine in my sky |
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| 11:46pm 03/10/2003 |
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mood:  groggy music: tinstar - sunshine
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wow. tonight, well, it was ok. i'm thinking about someone special <3... :) and... i'm home. my grandfather is visiting. i dont get to sleep in my room for as long as he's here. i get the couch. how about that? ugh.. anyway. i wont stay home much this week anyway. it will consist mainly of getting trashed and sleeping over at someones house. homecoming rocks. i'm very excited. finals are next week too, and that so sucks balls.
festival is tomorrow, i think that will pretty much suck. we're leaving at 9:00 in the morning and we're getting home at 12:30... performing around 2:00 in tifton... i dont know where that is, or how long it will take to get there. i try not to think about it. but atleast i will have my ashew by my side to help me through the hard times of the trip, and all the morons who are going on it with us. it sucks being the cool people. :( . so anyway, like i said i'm thinking about that special someone in my life. i wish i could talk to him. he's out doing... whatever... with friends. i hope he comes home and gets online and such. it would make my night.
the performance at the game, we (btw) won, was awesome. i think it was my best one. although i was SO out of breath at the end because i did the whole thing full out. my high kicks aren't as high as they used to be. may as well practice for tomorrow. then we wont have practice as much. i get to choreograph the senior routines too, for senior night.
after the game i went to scotts & met lindsey there, because there were promises made. but the promise was broken when we wound up sitting outside, in the cold, mind you! michael, scooter, billy, and eric rode up. they left again, and lindsey and i pretty much said, fuck this... and left. i have to get some rest anyway. on the couch.
that special someone makes me smile all over, he is the sunshine in my sky, and all that corny shit. we're anteloping. :) and having kyttens. :) lol.
*sigh* my past couple of days have seemed so unreal. i feel like i've died and just lived through it at some point or another. *confused face* i dont know. i dont want to make this long, so i'll say good night! fucking off
<3 xoxo <3
love to my ho's
love to my baby
love to my best friends
laurney |
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| i candy |
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| 11:59pm 01/10/2003 |
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mood: accomplished music: lacuna coil - falling again
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ok. i haven't posted pics in a while. these are new. be gentle...
( hot like no )
ok. so where was i? oh yes. :) today was the busiest day of my life. lol... i finally pinned down what the humane society float will look like... :) it's going to look so special. you'll just have to see... i'll post pics on game day. :) i'm out...
rob is speical! i love him and such <3
xoxo
laurney |
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| we search new programs for your pleasure |
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| 08:51pm 01/10/2003 |
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mood:  frustrated music: air - electronic performers
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i heard this song for the first time with you
i remember how you smelled
i remember i wanted to kiss you
i remember that i did
that was perfection
xoxo
laurney |
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| class of two thousand something? |
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| 12:24am 01/10/2003 |
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mood:  calm music: !!! - me and giuliani down by the school yard
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well my night didn't exactly rock, but it didn't exactly suck. i'm not sure what it did. time flowed by nicely, i have some trig homework under my belt and i guess thats great. i also got a senior long sleeved t-shirt today that i bummed off of mr. argroves for free. wooha! cleo and lucky are running around my room hissing at eachother, i dont know what their problem is.
i want to shout to the world that I LOVE ASHLEY WALLS! SHE IS MY PROTECTOR AND MY BACON.... BEACON... lol... whoo... enough here...
i should go to bed soon, i'm beginning to get a head-ache... thats never good. i'm rather blahhed out, i'm too calm to write anything... but here it goes...
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i think you're marvelous. i think you make me get the fuzzies, and everytime i hear from you in such a sweet way, my heart skips beat after beat. ;) we're anteloping and having kittens. just letting you know... and the two in my room that i told you about earlier, they're about to die. tragic horrible deaths. It GeTs Me oFF... ;) (bah.. you know what i mean *winks at you again*)...
keeping promises is healthy, i suggest you e-mail me!
i <3 you
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& for the rest
xxxxoxxxo
*hardcore kisses? the porn star kind? yes... thats right.* so lindsey-esque
laurney |
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| i worship you |
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| 10:56pm 29/09/2003 |
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mood:  aggravated music: vast - i dont feel anything
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why cant i ever say what i feel to you?
i try, but you cup your hand over my mouth so we keep smiling
maybe thats a problem we should look into
i want to sleep alone tonight.
i'm doing a lindsey entry
horrah for me
xoxo
laurney
kill the rock |
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| they shoot horses, don't they? |
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| 11:57pm 28/09/2003 |
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mood:  sleepy music: (none)
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both of my rating communities have seemed to disapear off the face of the planet. i'm wondering where they went... ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) virgo85, what happened to ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif) _bombshells? i still have my undeniably_sexy one... but not many people are posting there either. i would try again at hotlikewoah, but i dont have a scenester bob, and most of those people dont have a clue. i'd rather not be affiliated with them.
today has consisted of mainly doing absolutely nothing but chatting online, stuffing my face, and getting gas for my car. its been dull, i'll say. but i redyed my hair. it looks pretty good, too.. same color though. i'm impressed because i actually did it myself. :)
i'm waiting for rob to come back, and i'm talking to jazmine. i have to get a camera from mrs. austins room so i can take some black and white photographs with jazzybelle at the r.e. lee cemetery. but i have to develop the ones i have already done first. it has to be the prettiest cemetery there is. i'm thinking about gothing up too and getting a photo op for myself as well!
i hate being on pseudo restriction, it's put me and my mother on edge a lot... i get so annoyed because i cant go anywhere, we had it out because i wanted to go get gas for my car this morning. it doesn't help that mrs. yawn e-mails my mom everytime i take my eyes off of her in class. and she fails to mention all the good things that i do. and i do more good things than bad things. i suppose i'll go now. i've had my fifteen minutes of fame. :) fucking off. |
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xmyxomatosisx